One Liners

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
One good turn gets most of the blankets.
There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Jury --Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.
Don't sweat petty things...or pet sweaty things.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once.
Dyslexics of the world, untie!
Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my hard disk?

back